Ramblings

I'm here. New school. New place. New people. Busy. I haven't been making time to spend with Lord. I long for the time. I am lazy. I know He is present. I know he loves me. I know he brought me here. There are so many different thoughts and perspectives being thrown at me. I'm striving to cling to truth. I have to spend time every day with the Lord. I have to make time. I'm terrible at getting up early to have quiet times. I'm so thankful for grace. I'm good at putting on a smile for every person I pass. I'm good at getting my homework done and making time to spend with friends. It's hard to have time to myself. I love this school, but I don't feel a purpose or a place yet. I am learning. I am already thinking differently. I am being challenged. I feel younger than the other sophomores but older than the true freshman. I'm stuck in limbo. I have been filled to the brim. I feel called to be here. I want to share Jesus with others. I want to share my heart with others. I don't want to just say that I'm here, "because it felt right." I don't want to share the abridged version of my story. I want to share how the Lord has changed my life with everyone I meet. I'm here because the Lord lead me here. I'm sure of that. I don't want to just be fun and silly all the time. I long for deep conversations. I have to reach out to people. I want to pass the "hey, how are you?" relationships and get to the "hey, how are YOU?" I want people to know me. I want to know others. I want to share Jesus with high schoolers. My heart aches for kids that aren't loved. I know that it will be hard. I know that my time is going to be stretched. I know that it will be worth it. I believe that with my whole heart. I want to share my life with high school students. I want them to know Christ. Nothing that I do will change hearts, only the Lord can change hearts. I long to be used by Christ. I'm striving to be a vessel of His. I want to be filled with Christ's love. I want to let go of control. I want to be broken. That scares me. I know that there is much about my heart that I ignore. I want the brokenness in the depths of my heart to be revealed to me. I want to be molded into someone new. I am not perfect. But I am loved.