From the Heart

At Campaigners tonight, my leader B gave us some time to read and journal about John 15:1-17.  I can definitely say it's some of the best and most vulnerable time I've spent with the Lord in a few weeks.  I've been very selfish in my thoughts and actions this past week, not wanting to serve others and wondering how much I really want to sacrifice my life to love younger girls... My thoughts went kind of like this, "I mean why should I? I'm a senior loving and showing Jesus to my classmates, no matter their age, and that just seems too hard sometimes." 

I was brought back to my senses today.  REALITY CHECK.  This next passage is what I wrote after meditating over John 15:1-17.  Haha, excuse the grammar :)

"What does it really mean to lay my life down for my friends?  With all my doubts about YL I have seen myself and felt myself become more selfish about my actions.  Jesus laid down his life for me, his friend, so why can't I bring myself to do that joyfully in  my day to day life?  Why do I forget that I'm a child of God?  I am supposed to do everything without complaining or arguing so that I may be blameless and pure, a child of God who shines like stars in this crooked and depraved generation to which I hold out the light of life.  Why do I become so selfish and unwilling?  I know I am human, but I am a CHILD OF GOD who is loved and who can't do anything or bear any fruit without being attached to Jesus.  How am I going to better lay down my life for my friends?  Well, God, here I am back to the one thing I really took from work crew.  EVERYTHING MUST FLOW FROM MY HEART."

I can't pull the "I'm human and I'm going to make mistakes" card because it's not valid.  I'm a CHILD OF GOD.  Not saying that I won't make mistakes and won't fall short of the glory of God but I do hold myself to high standards and have purpose behind all my actions.  I know God has a purpose for my life and it's freaking terrifying to let Him lead sometimes (aka with college) BUT I know it's the only way.  If I separate myself from the vine, I won't bear fruit.  And I can only bear fruit from the vine... that must come first.  No matter how much a drag my feet and have selfish motives, God always brings me back to my true purpose, which is to witness the love of Christ to others and be a disciple to him.

Well, that was my epiphany for the night :)  I hope you enjoyed reading.

YOU are Beautifully and Wonderfully Made.

Love,

Ky